Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
