ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
