So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
