I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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