I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
