Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
