He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize