we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
