im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
