I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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