I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
