I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
be right there i have to get my cape
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
