At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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