She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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