I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
