Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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