We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
