my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize