you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
