My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
