There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am one with the molecules
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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