i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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