I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
