WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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