I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
