Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize