Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dicks are not precious.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize