If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
