I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We have so much sex to catch up on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
