I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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