I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
