I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He is an equal opportunity slut.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
