Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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