He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
