I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
