I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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