Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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