Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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