WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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