You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
