i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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