HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Randomize
