Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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