It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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