Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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