Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
