I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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