I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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