I think I won the penis lottery.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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