She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize