What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
