GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
