Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
