Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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