you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
