Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
