I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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