My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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