i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize