weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
