So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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