it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
