keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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