I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize