I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
