weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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