I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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