is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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