I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
