My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
