**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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