pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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