I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
