I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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