I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
