I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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