hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
