i barfeds in our rink
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
