Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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