I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
