Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
