I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
