I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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