How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize