the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
