Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
