Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
