Will you blow on my dice?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
