I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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