I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
