pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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