Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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